"He is everything you want, he his everything you need, he is everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right times, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why..."
Those are the words to a great Vertical Horizon song from when I was a bit younger. I remember a girl that I was dating at the time, who I'm still great friends with today, who mentioned that song to me. It happened to be on the radio all the time then, but the band was pretty well unknown (and today still is, unless you're a fan) and I can remember the conversation about the song we had. She mentioned a song about the guy who's everything she wanted but she didn't have feelings for him and didn't know why. Back then I knew almost every song, and I said oh yeah I know that, it's by Vertical Horizon, and she said yeah that's the one.
And then I'll never forget what she said next.
"That song is just the way I feel about you."
That was one of the few times I can remember someone's words actually hurting me, even though it was unintentional and not thought through. I can actually remember where we were, what we did, even what we ate that night. That was about 13 years ago. There's not many things I remember with that vivid of a detail. The next time someone said something that hurt me that really made a mark on me was when, after assorted drama, I told my ex-girlfriend that I wanted to propose to her. She stared at me like I just asked her what was on TV. After a minute, she just dryly asked me "what do you want me to say to that?"
Yeah. That kind of hurt. (read: crushed)
So last night, I had another one of those moments. Granted it was a text, but it was still pretty powerful. Someone I'm really interested in and have been for a while was talking to me. She was having a bad night, and sent a text without thinking about who she was sending it to really. She said "Sometimes I feel like I will never find the one. Have a good night."
Yeah, that one hurt too.
I've been talking to her for about a month now. I've been trying to convince her that I'm right for her and we'd be good together. Which is really hard for me. Not because it's not true. But because I'm so used to just walking away when someone says they're not interested. I guess this case is a little different, since she hasn't said she's not interested, just concerned in the situation. Either way, it's not like me to constantly pursue someone that says no. I have this thing, as I put it, I don't go where I'm not wanted. But there's something about her that's so worth trying and pushing for. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of how she could be. And it gives me hope.
But I made it clear last night that the text she said was probably not appropriate for the audience. She apologized profusely, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. You can't tell someone that's been trying to convince you that you'll treat them right that you don't think you'll find the right person for you. It's more a matter of tact than anything.
My point is, words can have some a pretty big impact on a person. Both the words that are said, and the words that aren't. I seem to keep investing myself in people that I either can't have, or can't keep, for whatever reason. I'm not sure what to do about it. When I take a look at my past (or at least these examples) the first 2 were people that I already had some kind of a relationship with at the time. The newest example is someone that I would do whatever it takes to have a relationship with.
When do you just say enough, and move on?
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