Unfortunately, my aunt Ann passed away a couple of weeks ago. She's been extremely sick over the last few years. Partially from mother nature, and partially from her typical Richards stubbornness that we all seem to suffer from. I haven't been close to her in some years now, so it didn't hit me very hard. But it was upsetting, and I am sad for the loss. We all have our flaws and she was no exception, but she was a good person and did her best to be a good person for everyone around her.
Tonight I got an email from my father, which was a forwarded email from my uncle David, talking about the services, and included mass cards and a picture of my aunt from the service. My uncle has always been more of an afterthought in my life, through no fault of my own. I can actually name all of the times I've seen him in my lifetime. Actually I can count on one hand the times I've seen him in my 32 years, 2 of which were funerals and 1 was about 10 minutes before I left for school in the morning. I don't begrudge the fact that he was in other states earning money and starting a family, and that's really all anyone wants out of life. But the down side of that is, he doesn't know the people that my family and I have become. He doesn't know what we've done with your lives, be it our missteps, or our successes.
I bring this up because in the email, he said how he was insulted that my brother, sister, and I weren't at the service, and that it's something he wouldn't be proud of. First of all, how can an absentee family member compare his ability to get to a funeral service to mine? Yes, it was an undertaking for you to come from the middle east where you're currently working with your government contracts to come home for your sister's funeral. You've flaunted your money in the past and I'm well aware you can afford it, both from your prior endeavors and your current. Try to remember while you're sitting up on your pedestal that not everyone suffers from the same circumstances you do. What's been going on in my life? Well thank you for asking before you rush to judgments.
Unfortunately, 2 days before my aunt passed, the motor on my car blew. Financially, I'm not doing well and I have to file bankruptcy. So at the moment I have no car, and no money to buy a car. While I would have been more than willing to attend the service had I had a way to get there. Next time, tell me 2 weeks in advance and I'll start walking. As it is the only reason I'm able to get to work now is through the extreme generosity of some friends who, without them, I would be completely in ruins. The fact that you were able to buy a plane ticket from the middle east to the states, drive across half the country before making it to the service, and then go back, speaks volumes about the differences in our current position. I'm barely able to travel a few miles. You're able to travel thousands at a moment's notice. Yes it was an important event. But circumstances prevented my attendance.
Now as for your disappointment... what gives you the right to be disappointed in me? You probably know the counter person at your local McDonalds better than you know me. Seeing me 5 times in my life does not give you the right to be proud or disappointed. You don't get to judge me. Before you start passing judgment on other people, look into your life and what you've done, how you've been absent from EVERYONE'S life, and then consider your position. I noticed in your email that you used the trip to spend time with your son in Indiana as well. But there was no mention that your son went to the service, and obviously you made it from there to the service... so where's your disappointment there?
And then you have the audacity to tell my father you're insulted we didn't attend? I'm insulted at the fact that you took a picture of my aunt in her casket. I'm insulted that you think you have the right to judge me. I'm insulted that you're holding us to a standard you're not holding your own children to. I'm insulted that someone so intelligent doesn't realize that my brother and sister, both who have no money, no driver's license, and no car, would have no way to attend. I'm insulted for your overall lack of interest at being any kind of influence or presence in any of our lives. Buying a bicycle on one of your handful of visits does not make an uncle. For someone that's suddenly so concerned about family, maybe you should make more of an effort to try to actually be part of a family instead of being so concerned with yourself all the time. And yes, I wasn't at the service. But that doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it, don't regret it, and didn't mourn her in my own way.
I've seen my uncle 5 times in my life, and I may only see him once more, if that. But if this is the kind of person he is, looking down his nose at me without knowing what I've done for my family, what my circumstances are, then I'm more than happy to leave it at just 5.
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